The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I am available for nakedness
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
