She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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