I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
