so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
