he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he thought i was a dude.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
