Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
bring money and cleavage
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You pole danced in your parka.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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