So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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