we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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