This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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