my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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