Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
