Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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