It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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