The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
