Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
