i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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