Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
