why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
