instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
