We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
