Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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