i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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