how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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