just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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