just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
