im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
