so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
