We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
