I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
