Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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