Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
