I cut my penus on the lid.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
