Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
