So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
