fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
