and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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