can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
