so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
