i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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