I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Randomize
