No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
