and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
