Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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