I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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