Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
