The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
