Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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