i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
