i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
