I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
