the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
